09. What you hope your future will be like.
I’m tempted to be completely snarky and make up a mad lib about what I hope my future will be like, but the peanut gallery next to me keeps sending negative vibes for that particular idea. SO, since the future is all about perspective, I’ve decided to write about what I hope the future will be like from the viewpoint of a comma. You may think this is just me being sarcastic, but one of the large hopes that I have for the future is that everybody understands the proper usage of a comma and can use it with finesse.
(Side note: That was me being sarcastic. I know this to be an impossible dream.)
NOW, may I present: the future the comma’s always been hoping for.
I know you know who I am. I’m a regular in here. If I were lumped into the fruit category, then I may be schlepped in right after a cluster of grapes, between a bunch of bananas, and right before a basket of peaches. I typically end up separating two alpha male complete sentences, and occasionally, if someone is really comma savvy, they’ll give me some serial usage. (If you were curious, I’m also a shameless precursor to puns.)
My overuse has become far too exacerbated over the last decade. Mostly owing to the inability of younger minds to maintain a lexicon of anything longer than four letters, much less string intelligible words together, use of the comma seems to be a lost art. Don’t even get me started when it comes to how the older generations use me! If the education system wasn’t such a mess, I would send them back to school and remind them of proper comma usage! It’s a travesty! For goodness’ sake, people continue to confuse me with my little-known and often misapplied doppelgänger, the semicolon.
Though you may accuse me of cynicism, I do maintain a small sliver of hope that people will again recognize my proper usage and not simply apply me too liberally or too sparsely. I am the salt of the grammar world: as soon as people realize that overuse quickly segues into horrible health conditions, and too little use leaves out the necessary flavor, I will be content with my lot. I can understand the occasional misuse of my fellow comma-rades; after all, excessive use is sometimes like excessive celebration (sometimes you just can’t resist it). But I certainly hope for more dignified placement in the future.